LIFE WTH ADHD
an excerpt from my book - Growing Up Different: Navigating Life with Hidden Disabilities
Noisy is the best word I can use to describe the inner workings of my brain. I want you to imagine turning on a car radio. (I know it’s a strange concept but just go along with it!) You reach for the power button, find your favourite station and then go about your day. Easy right? All of a sudden, the radio switches to a different station, just when it’s getting to the best part of a song. Confused, you then attempt to backtrack and find the initial station you were listening to. Just when you’ve found the station and readjusted your thoughts, the radio switches to a completely different station once again.
The worst part about this entire ordeal is that you have zero control over the functionality of the radio because that’s just the way it was manufactured. Although the radio is a perfectly functioning and capable radio, it’s just rewired a little differently and struggles to fit the normative standard. Unfortunately, this leaves room for feelings of frustration, shame, and discouragement to manifest.
I’ll admit it’s a strange analogy, but I feel it’s the best way I can explain how my brain functions on a daily basis to those who maybe don’t understand or experience this kinda thing.
“Brain on Fire”
I slowly started coming to this realization that maybe my brain functioned a little differently compared to the other kids my age. I was painfully shy and anxious, I failed to be attentive in discussion and tasks. I had trouble following written and oral instructions. I never stopped fidgeting with something, tapping my feet or making constant noise. I avoided eye contact as much as possible and found it difficult to be patient. I struggled with anything that called for mental effort such as spelling, writing and reading. I had trouble expressing my emotions and was easily trigged by external stimuli, positive or negative.
In all honesty, it was a constant internal battle going on inside my head, it still is. It’s confusing, overwhelming and loud at times. There’s days where I feel extra fuzzy and find it almost impossible to process information. My friends and family can usually tell when this happens and are incredibly patient with me, which means the absolute world to me.
Thankfully I’m at a point in my life where I can utilize coping strategies as well as medication in order to maintain a healthy, successful and happy life when being held by society’s neurotypical ideologies. It’s been a long journey to get to where I am in life today, but it’s been worth every difficult and uncomfortable learning experience.
